my life

I have been in a constant state of crisis for a long time. The reasons have shifted time to time but the state hasnt yet. I was wondering if the crisis is life. Critics would say crisis is me. My mind. But I dont think everyone in this world is like the type who are always complaining about their present situation, and praying for a better life every sunday morning. May be its my age. As my mom would say - 'real life' hasnt yet started for me. But then silence will be the answer for my question--"when does life really start?". I hate to grow up by adding subtlety to my 'extravagant' desires. I hate my calculations. I hate my planning for tomorrow.Certainly I dont hate my life. The ephemeral happiness is so uncertain, I live my life in its surprise.