Held in Paranoia: January 2006

smirnoff with orange twist

It's 2:06 a.m. I'v realized , I don't hate myself. Rather I should say, the word is not 'hate' but can be 'dislike'. U r not getting ...right??..this is what we call Smirnoff with orange twist!! . An adulterated vodka or polluted orange juice or whatever!!. Yes, I dislike myself, sometimes, in busy streets with thousands around me or in a lonely place when confronted with what we call myself. No offence. My conscience had been bothering me for hours so I injected it with sedatives. ..Nopes!!.I'm digressing.. this is not wht I wanna write. Since I dislike myself 'sometimes'..most of the times I love myself !..yep!..got it, I'v been trying to write a love letter. .."Hey crazy bustard!!...my long desired son of a bitch, I don't dream coz u see them for me, I can't kick ur ass for it hurts my back!, u r still virgin so I can't loose mine..U r my euphoria, my fucking 'myself'...my 'smirnoff with orange twist'!!

The Misty Messenger

This new year eve night, I celebrated in my way..I'd been cooking (my first alone venture) till an hour left to say "goodbye 2005".So our dinner had started in 2005 and ended in 2006.I use to fight insomnia,but on the get-go of 2006 I let it reign.I'd decided not to sleep over the sunrise.The possibility of waking up before dawn and watching the Sun rising behind the mountains by setting up an alarm in my cell-phone seemed a distant dream to me. Remain awake till sunrise was a better and easier option.I engaged myself in writing new year greetings and later in an online game (http://deathball.net/notpron/notpron.htm).....
The darkness outside the glass window faded slowly.It was a misty morning.Realizing the sun could not be seen till it rises well above the hills, I cancelled my idea of going out in the balcony.The light was diffused all over the sky and the sun was somewhere behind the mist.I was feeling hungry so took an unusual breakfast with the remnants from the dinner.Since I had no intension of sleeping over 1st Jan, I entered my bedroom for a quiick nap......and then it happend..............
A misty pigeon flew in from nowhere and sat behind the window.I call it misty because it was camouflaged by the misty background outside.It flew away as soon as I'd finished digiitizing it in two dimensions. Lying in my bed I'd been deciphering the message from the misty messenger ,while sleep took control over me.......
I was walking down an ice-paved street by a lake in which brightly illuminated houseboats were floating and a soft tune was coming from one of them.It was twilight.Children were frolicking with ice by the roadside.There were mountains all around. The vally was lighting up tardily...I saw faces of all ages in festive dispositon.... smiling, blushing, talking, whispering, conspiring ....all around me.

looking back..

Today is second, the 2nd day of a whole new year. 2006 .Very few days in your life you remember through out.I think last year has got a couple of them.
My 'four year' long adventure ended.Met some new people, a completely new culture..........In that transition I learnt to become chameleon.
Met some old friends and realized that I'm old, coz I'm having 'old friends'.
And since my job gave me plenty of time to waste in my way (And my way is better than my employer), I dared to ask myself a question."what I want?"..and there was a silence..........
In the end ,31st dec 2005, I found myself inside a bubble,in which I'm still suspended in a plasma of procrastination...